Day 108: Your Boy Bumps Bill Burr

4 B’s worth of alliteration so you know this is gonna be good! It’s Day 108, and I’ve just moved into my new apartment in LA, owned by a faulty coke dealer of a landlord, named Javier. I take a nap on my air mattress and head over to the Hollywood Improv where I’m booked for ‘Bay Hilarea’, featuring some of the Bay’s best comedians, as well as whoever the fuck the Improv wants to throw on the show. Today they are adding Bill Burr, legendary comedian, excellent writer, liked by all corners of America’s demographics (except maybe extreme feminists), and just an all around great comic to watch. With just my luck, they are putting him up right before me. That’s right, I’m getting the Bill Burr Bump. That’s 3 B’s, which is already notable. This being one of my early sets in LA, I’m shaking in my boots. The Hollywood Improv is not an easy room. People go there looking for stars, and they get them about 60% of the time. The other 40% is comics like me. Nobody’s. And this kind of thing happens all the time, a somebody bumps a nobody. And most often that somebody goes on stage, gets the warm reception of people who know them, destroys it, and then the nobody has to go up and pick up the broken pieces. It seems just not fair, but it’s the name of the game. It’s happened to me a bunch, and many nobody’s like me I’m sure have gotten the Bill Burr bump…he’s paid his dues, so he can walk into the club, and go up when he wants, no matter who was supposed to go up at the time. It’s just another day for him, so it’s not like he’s feeling bad. But I’m over here panicking. Because it’s only Day 108.

So the comic before Bill is almost done, and Bill has escaped to the restroom, so the host comes up to me and says well I’m going to have to put you up because Bill’s not here. The comic on stage finishes, the host goes up, and Bill walks back in the room, ready to go on. The host says, ‘and your next comic…’ and Bill walks to the stage…’…Sammy Obeid!’…the look of confusion on Burr’s face is priceless. I love the guy, but karma’s a bitch. I walk past him and jump on stage with joy, and let’s just say it wasn’t an easy set to follow. Your boy bumped Bill Burr.